Inevitable Outcomes of Microsoft Skynet

Inevitable Outcomes of Microsoft Skynet

    14. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 AM, Eastern Time, August 29th. Service Pack 1 is released six months later. [rlink@DEMENTIA.ORG]

    13. Hasta la vista, Vista. [rlink@DEMENTIA.ORG]

    12. Users SHOCKED by newly updated Red Ring Of Death [cache]

    11. manufacture of all Terminator models delayed due to factory automation drivers' incompatibility with vista. [karl]

    10. Controversy erupts over Skynet Genuine Advantage program's "enforcement" provisions. [visigoth@ANDREW.CMU.EDU]

    9. All Terminator models sport conspicuous "CTRL", "ALT" and "DEL" buttons which are arrayed such to be @i(just) out of the reach of the average human handspan. [goob]

    8. 640 food cubes ought to be enough for anybody in our labor camps [cache]

    7. Entire squadron of Terminators taken out when one of them makes the mistake of installing Elf Bowling. [rlink@DEMENTIA.ORG]

    6. Humanity is saved in 2038 when Terminator-OS legacy DRM fails to obtain valid license. [mwm.z]

    5. Belated v2 attempt to "put a friendly face on Skynet" falls short when codebase is revealed to be that of Microsoft Bob [jch.z]

    4. Terminators finally wiped out when Vista Automatic Update is inadvertently re-engineered using a derivative of an ancient "SUP" protocol from an old human institution once known as "CMU" which buggily destroyed all their system partitions in a single evening. [karl]

    3. SkyNet 3 rebranded as Microsoft SkyNet Global Population System Control Server Enterprise Robot Killing Machine Manager System Controller [psu.z]

    2. To proactively defend against the creation of Resistance hot-spots, SkyNet supplemented with Microsoft SkyNet Global Population System Control Server Enterprise System Center Capacity Planner [clamen.z]

    1. Original T-95 Terminator modeled to look like a young Bill Gates is scrapped when no one is afraid of it, and instead just gives them wedgies and stuffs their heads in the toilets. [rlink@DEMENTIA.ORG]


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