23. If still in doubt, add half a bottle of red wine. [bumba]
22. Drink the other half. This is important. [bumba]
21. Cream is better than half and half is better than whole milk is better than 2% milk. Skim milk is undrinkable piss, you fucking cretin. [peterb]
20. Pie good. [bumba]
19. What? Pie? Look, pigfucker, C A K E [agroce]
18. You just think you're allergic to [lactose / nuts / whatever]. Shut up and eat. [peterb]
17. Use more salt. [peterb]
16. Shop for each meal. [peterb]
15. Decide what to cook based on what's fresh; don't persist in making something if you can't get good produce for the ingredients. [peterb]
14. Babies will pretty much eat anything you shove down their throats enough times. [peterb]
13. Non-stick pans will poison you. [peterb]
12. No matter how much paprika you put in, it isn't enough. [bumba]
11. Yogurt never *really* expires [scottd]
10. Any of the following steps will make anything taste better: -- add butter -- add garlic -- add chocolate -- deep fry [roc.z]
9. Repeat the above steps in any order. [roc.z]
8. You may think garlic chocolate bars deep-fried in butter disgusting, but that's only because you aren't Scottish. [bumba]
7. Don't boil the baby. (Grilling works much better) [scottd]
6. Always baste the baby. [bumba]
5. Cruelty tastes yummy. [peterb]
4. Baking powder and baking soda are not the same thing. [roc.z]
3. If you can follow instructions, you can bake. Most people can't follow instructions. [bumba]
2. Learn the differences between *all* the white powders in your kitchen. [roc.z]
1. Don't measure ingredients. Weigh them. [peterb]