20. C. Thomas Howell once turned him gay; now won't return his phone calls [magus]
19. Spider-man producers claim to be "faithful" to the comic strip, yet completely FAIL to include kosak's Tobey Maguire/Wil Wheaton 9 part slash epic [kosak]
18. When he says "nobody will MISS me when I'm GONE" nobody hits the panic button and checks to see if he's offed himself. [agroce]
17. Crack-and-whores fail to satisfy after a while. [tomault]
16. Misses his thesis [tomault]
15. Posh urban lifestyle, stylish job, charming boy-in-the-city attitude STILL not translated into hip new sitcom [magus]
14. Just realized that the West Wing sucks [tomault]
13. Vastly less time in Wean over time translates into vastly greater chance new lifestyle won't survive when asteroid destroys East Coast. [agroce]
12. Radical attempt to reinvent self results only in creating a second-rate version of sippy [kosak]
11. Giving up "I'd love to interview you for Sextalk" line more of a hindrance to dating life than originally anticipated [magus]
10. No longer has a weekly opportunity to say "cockring" to a radio audience of dozens [jeffrey]
9. He's not sippy [jeffrey]
8. Doesn't have the cash to participate in Magic: The Gathering Online [tomault]
7. Pilates has failed to firm his ass [jeffrey]
6. No gay sex scenes in SPIDER-MAN [tomault]
5. Adjusting to NY open records laws is hindering the background-hiding work necessary to complete transition to new 'Corey Kosak, Boy Genius' personality [magus]
4. Despite spending $50K on personal training, specialized diet drugs, gluteal implants and hair highlights, still gets cold shoulder from teen hotties at Korn concerts [kosak]
3. "City That Never Sleeps" turns out to be surprisingly unfriendly to impromptu 4AM fire-escape yodeling concerts [magus]
2. Lost favorite cockring at a LaGuardia security checkpoint [jeffrey]
1. Attempt to wear cockring through LaGuardia checkpoint as an attempt to "break the ice" with hottie National Guardsman goes very, very wrong [kosak]