17. Riders must take antiemetics regularly to prevent catastrophic foul-odor-induced vomit chain-reaction [scottd]
16. Objectivists must sit in the back of the bus. [tfm@ANDREW.CMU.EDU]
15. One day per year all drivers get the day off and faculty have to take over their routes. [tfm@ANDREW.CMU.EDU]
14. Special in-bus catapults automatically dispose of students who have gotten on the bus but forgotten their ID [scottd]
13. All CMU parking areas will be designated as the Oakland Bus Barn, since no one will be parking in them any more. [tfm@ANDREW.CMU.EDU]
12. Students paying high tuition rates demand premium bus service, and PAT purchases Porsche busses to serve Shadyside and Squirrel Hill. [colohan]
11. $500 ticket for jaywalking across Forbes to the UC may be instituted to compensate for "increased ridership" [sprite]
10. New South Busway route will require demolition of Purnell Center and Raj Mahal. [tfm@ANDREW.CMU.EDU]
9. Students must assist driver in administering sedatives to any out-of-control schizophrenics on their trip [scottd]
8. Bus service may only be used for transportation to/from campus, unless the student bribes the bus driver. (Standard bribe = $1.50) [colohan]
7. Open food, beverages, and bagpipes may not be carried [sprite]
6. Port Authority will be allowed to grant degrees in You-Can't-Get-There-From-Here-ology. [tfm@ANDREW]
5. If bus interior is full, students may be tied to new-fangled bus roof-racks [scottd]
4. In addition to new speaking requirements, SCS graduate students must qualify for a Class 3 Commercial Operator's License. [tfm@ANDREW]
3. If the bus is full, CMU students must leave the bus to make room for "paying" customers. [colohan]
2. Gas costs cut by having students take turns in giant on-bus hamster wheels [scottd]
1. New CMU tradition: To advertise your event, paint over and jealously guard bus billboards. [tfm@ANDREW]