74. Pierogies are appetizers, not entrees [kosak]
73. Not in Pittsburgh [jch]
72. Fries served on the side. [ralph]
71. Big Macs made with loving individual care and attention [jch]
70. Chefs extinguish their cigarettes in ashtrays rather than in your salad [kosak]
69. Restaurant name is not double entendre of the breast size of the servers. [tygar]
68. No free toys with your meal [jch]
67. You are forced to choose between hot or mild taco sauce [kosak]
66. The number of forks on your table is equal to the number of digits in your bill [mhemy]
65. make that "not forced" [kosak]
64. "Bottomless" gravy boats [tfm]
63. Not only is tie required, so are tails. [tygar]
62. The food is deep-fried *artistically*. [ralph]
61. Abundance of sundried tomato. [aprile]
60. No "wanted: short order cook" signs in window [jch]
59. The bottles of ketchup are for resale, dammit! [tfm]
58. A special room is always reserved for "special" friends from Sicily. [tygar]
57. Slipping off your shoe and bringing your dinner companion to orgasm using your bare foot is de rigueur [kosak]
56. Sudden appearance of lemongrass in unusual places. [aprile]
55. They expect you to use phrases like "de rigeur" [jch]
54. "No shirt, no shoes -- No problem!" [tfm]
53. No supersizing. [aprile]
52. They expect you to be able to spell "de rigueur" [kosak]
51. do ya want scallions wizzat ? [aprile]
50. Entrees have a paragraph long description, but still manage to omit the fact that the seafood was deep frozen before it is served to your table. [tygar]
49. They expect you to know what "de rigueur" means [mhemy]
48. Potatoes sound much sexier if you call them "pommes de terre". [aprile]
47. Their top seller? De rigueur a la Oscar. [tfm]
46. We proudly feature new South African wines. [tygar]
45. They have a cigar lounge [mhemy]
44. They actually know the day that the nouveaus are out. [tygar]
43. Possibility of exerting your male dominance by intimidating supercilious French(oid) waiters. [aprile]
42. Unlikely to be a Coke franchise [jch]
41. Cinnabon-laden dessert cart [tfm]
40. Instant wine relabeling machine in the back, to produce special cuvees on demand. [aprile]
39. A very very very large pepper mill. [tygar]
38. No charge for extra Cinnabon "frosting" [kosak]
37. The average tip should equal the total price of a similar meal at a 3 star restaurant. [mhemy]
36. They offer you fresh pepper on everything, salad, pasta, dessert, wine, water. [tygar]
35. Instant Monty Python flashback makes for a terrifying meal. [aprile]
34. Other diners have bodyguards. [tygar]
33. If you call the waiter "Garcon !" they don't tell you to go fuck yourself. [aprile]
32. Chef had former career as a dictator of a third-world country. [tygar]
31. Only gold/platinum credit cards accepted [mhemy]
30. Bathroom graffiti is in Russian. [tygar]
29. Scarcity of Rolling Rock, Iron City and Manischiewitz. [aprile]
28. Less likely to bump into Esta Trouw (sp) or other irritating channel 11 personalities [kosak]
27. You're invited to sniff the cap of the bottle of Bud Lite before it's served. [ralph]
26. Chilled salad forks [dcs]
25. Italian serving staff makes countless jokes about German tourists. [tygar]
24. Waitress knows of a good german wine. [dcs]
23. Food remnants are used as "de rigueur" entrees in their 3-star subsidiary next door . [mhemy]
22. Waiter opens champagne silently (4 stars) [aprile]
21. Burpers are shot on the spot, but with a silenced weapon. [aprile]
20. When waiters press their erection against you, they do so discreetly [kosak]
19. Replacement monkey available free if first one doesn't shriek loudly enough when you bash in its skull [kosak]
18. Strolling violinist does show-tunes on request. [tfm]
17. Name brand moist towelettes come with bucket of wings instead of no frills variety. [akk]
16. Your fish and chips is wrapped in the Economist. [aprile]
15. You can list tens of features even if you've never been there [mhemy]
14. Machine in bathroom features ribbed condoms. [dcs]
13. psu thinks it sucks [kosak]
12. A gorgeous babe is handing you the towel in the washrooms [mhemy]
11. At least two men propose marriage during your meal. [tygar]
10. Birthdays are handled discreetely -- no congregation of staff to help you blow out the candles. [tygar]
9. TV news crew films segment in bathroom, claiming bathroom has been voted "best in Denver". This actually happened to me. [dcs]
8. Sommolier hardly ever back washes into your bottle. [tfm]
7. And the numero uno feature of a 4 or 5 star restaurant: The reviewer gets "extras" after the meal [mhemy]
6. They have at least one piece of cutlery that you do not know the name of. [tygar]
5. They have appetizer wines, main course wines and desert wines [jslttery]
4. The waiter does not flinch when you ask for chop sticks, extra virgin olive oil, thai fish sauce, and unsalted butter. Even if it is a French restaurant. [tygar]
3. Three words: Lawry's Seasoning Salt [dcs]
2. Two words: Corn Bread! [milliken]
1. Special caste of server whose sole purpose it to make sure you never run out of butter or ice water. [clamen]